Steadiness

Amy Oledzki on September 4, 2024

I woke this morning and the temperatures were cooler and the sky clear and blue, almost an azure blue. There is a lot of historical significance, biological function, cultural and religious significance and symbolism of this color. Biologically, the true color of Azure is rare in living organisms – perhaps a bluebird or blue butterfly?

I was surprised to learn that blue jays are not actually blue and that their blue hue is the result of Rayleigh scattering. Without turning this blog into a science lesson on color, I was fascinated by what I was reading, but then really disappointed to learn about Rayleigh scattering. It not only is a phenomenon that happens with the sky being Azure blue, but is a result of pigment, protein, wavelengths, and refraction.

None the less, the feeling that this Azure blue sky brings remains the same for me, a sense of peace and calm, as well as nostalgia, the one thing that we all seem to strive for in this crazy mixed-up world we live in. I think about the predictability of this phenomenon and the consistent steadiness with which nature provides.

The heat and little rain this summer has also been steady. A lot of water from the spigot has been used this summer, keeping the plants alive. The water bill sure did confirm how much…ouch! The rise of food, gas, and energy has been steady as well. I ask myself, what is going on and how can our nation’s financial security change in such a few short years?

Putting the azure sky and the rise of the cost of living aside, what does steadiness truly mean for caregivers and the Hope Grows Care Model? From a definition standpoint, steadiness is defined in different ways and it depends on the dictionary source you are using as a resource. The Cambridge organization defines steadiness from a behavioral standpoint as “being reasonable and showing good judgment,” so that people trust you. The Merriam-Webster site defined steadiness as “the state of continuing without change.” And one more (as I like to describe things in three for some reason), the Oxford site defined the word as “the quality of being sensible and reliable and the fact of being stable and not changing.”

When I think of caregiving with this month’s focus, I think of the steadiness of the care receiver and how often a caregiver might be watching how quickly the physical stability of their loved one’s gait, balance when they stand, or, in some cases, their ability to be behind the wheel of the car changes. Caregiver concerns about steadiness and when is it appropriate or even permissible to override their loved one’s decisions regarding safety and medical CURE and care.

From the caregivers’ point of view, sensibility and reliability of putting safety first is a decision that needs steadiness. However, concern and fear creep in…knowing that overruling their loved one by taking the keys to the car is going to upset the apple cart, so to speak. From the care receiver’s standpoint, the steadiness of knowing what is reasonable and showing good judgment is not being met with trust. In this case, the steadiness seems to be at odds with the dynamic and sometimes chaotic nature of caregiving.

Caregivers need to remain strong and steadfast because it can serve as a stabilizing force. Remaining steadfast allows caregivers to remain calm in the face of challenges, balanced in their responses to the needs of others, and grounded in their own self-care practices. This steady approach helps to create a nurturing environment, both for the caregiver and the one receiving care. It also fosters a sense of peace and resilience, enabling caregivers to find joy even in difficult moments.

Some things to consider to remain steady: cultivate mindfulness, set clear goals and priorities, establish routines, manage stress effectively, embrace flexibility and adaptability, practice self-compassion, stay connected with your values, build a support system, continue to learn and grow, and take care of your well-being.

Wow! That is a lot. Just know that by embracing some of this, you can prevent burnout and continue to provide compassionate care with a joyful heart. Those tough decisions of taking away the keys is about setting boundaries of safety. Being sensible and steady, in this case, is NOT negotiable. Just like the Rayleigh’s scattering, at first the explanation of it all seems mean, disappointing, and, well, feeling like we are being tricked. I’m sure your loved one feels this way too, but in the end, peace, calm, and eventually joy can be the result.

So, let the phenomenon of the BLUE in nature be a reminder that caring for others doesn’t mean losing sight of one’s own balance and well-being—it means integrating these qualities to sustain both joy and the capacity to care.

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Growth

Amy Oledzki on August 6, 2024

August is typically a productive month in the gardens, with many plants reaching their peak growth and yielding a bountiful harvest. Right now, watering, weeding, and deadheading is what August is all about in the any garden, and certainly at the Healing Gardens at the Iris Respite House.

Continuing to keep up with what nature is NOT providing us right now has resulted in round-the-clock watering. It has become a challenge, but a necessary challenge that gardeners must endure when nature doesn’t cooperate with what the growing season needs.

“Is it worth it?” mumbles the gardener’s pure exhaustion. Hints of learning and implementing a rain dance surface with a constant check of the weather app to learn of any new weather patterns that may inspire a reprieve.

Negative thoughts start and another question ensues: “What is nature trying to teach within all of this oppressive heat and dry temps?” The response is resistance and the uttered word is just “Ugh!”

Stop. Don’t bring that energy into the gardens – reframe to a positive outlook and repeat, “I can handle this, and it will rain.” Mindset! Shift the focus of control! Look at what is resilient, beautiful, and still growing. The fresh herbs, the flowers for cutting, and the produce.

I begin to water again, pull some weeds, clean the flower beds, and water again. Despite the struggle, the flowers look great. I focus on the extra attention of the watering and think about night fall providing the needed respite. Positive thoughts continue. When the sun rises the next day, new growth will be noticed. Ahhh, hope!

Faith is restored. The flowers and plants rebound overnight and the cycle continues. I notice the trees though; they are losing leaves as if the autumn season has already begun. No. Focus on the positive: the trees will sustain. Back to watering and the continued support, which is crucial, along with the weeding and deadheading and the pest and disease management.

Sounds relentless, right? Sometimes life struggles are, too. Understanding growth in relation to nature can be a profound way to find acceptance, teaching us to reframe our thinking, and then soon, our thoughts become peaceful and joyful. It is a process that can be applied in all areas of life, not just in cultivating garden wellness. Perhaps that is the lesson. When gardens – with their cycles of growth, decay, and renewal – become challenging, it can offer a natural metaphor for life and death.

The cyclical nature of life is a natural relatable concept, one to embrace as we cultivate our own growth and wellness. Understanding life and death as it relates to nature is a profound way of accepting, adjusting, processing, and embarking on a new identity in the wake of loss. As we evolve from the loss, growth abounds. Like the spent flower from the heat, the attention and support it receives radiates beauty. As I wrapped up this month’s focus of growth, our area of the world received several days of moments of rain. Was it reframing and letting go, or was it just sheer coincidence? No one will ever really know…

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Energy

Amy Oledzki on July 2, 2024

I spent a bit of mindful energy this morning looking around at the beauty of the gardens here at the Iris Respite House & Healing Gardens. Some rain storms have left us with fuel for growth; the flowers everywhere are bursting with fullness and color. It is as if the flowers got a shot of caffeine overnight; there is a liveliness, a get up and go, an energy.

Energy is an interesting word. We can have all sorts of it and moments of none, so it seems. The word itself projects an oomph to it and when you pay attention to its use, it is everywhere. Statements abound: youthful energy, stagnant energy, quantitative energy, comparative energy, and departments of energy, to name a few. I hear people say, “I have no energy,” “I need an energy drink,” “I have positive energy,” or “He/She has negative energy.” Famous people and scholars tell us that energy of the mind is the essence of life, there is energy in motion, energy flows where attention goes, and energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.

Warren Buffett was quoted saying that “Without passion, you don’t have energy. Without energy, you have nothing.” I suppose that is true, because it takes passion on some days to get out of bed, to brush your teeth, and to eat breakfast. Does passion need to exist to move forward with activities of daily living? I don’t think so – some of those are habitual things we do. However, if we have lost passion in life or are burned out, I know firsthand, it is hard to keep moving forward.

So many questions surface. Most of us have to engage in some type of caffeinated drink to fuel ourselves in the morning. But what about those that exert too much energy all the time? Can it deplete the desire to stay motivated? Can passion move quickly away and cause someone to become stagnant. Can pain and suffering discourage a person to the point of NO energy?

If you look at the opposite meaning of the word, that meaning depends on how you are using it. The English language is complicated, and if you are referring to the energy as a generated power, simplified, the opposite is a lack of. From a person’s spirit and vigor, the opposite could be apathy, depression, and/or spiritual distress. I think of caregivers when I think of the person’s spirit in relation to energy. Caregivers put forth so much energy all of the time in providing care to their loved one, but yet, they keep moving, they keep pushing through, sometimes to the point of complete burnout.

So, what is the antidote? Just like a power grid, a car, or the flowers in the garden, restoration is needed. Dealing with life overload and the stress of long work hours without breaks can indeed lead to burnout and a decline in spiritual, mental, and physical health. Finding ways to manage stress and maintain sanity is crucial. Energy, caregiving, and healing are interconnected concepts that revolve around the well-being of individuals. In the context of well-being, energy can refer to both physical vitality and the more abstract notion of life force or spiritual energy.

The notion of Spiritual Energy is what I think Warren Buffett is referring to in his quote above. Passion, purpose, and meaning are often described as what is needed to have spiritual energy. It is the “chi,” “prana,” or “life force” that keeps the flow of energy through and around the body, impacting overall wellness.

If your life force energy is depleted, or you are just exhausted and need to restore, several strategies can help you escape from the relentless cycle and regain balance. Healing encompasses the processes through which a person recovers from illness, injury, or emotional distress. It can be approached from various angles:

Medical Healing: Involves conventional medical treatments and therapies to address physical health issues.

Emotional Healing: Focuses on recovering from emotional trauma, stress, and mental health challenges.

Spiritual Healing: Utilizes practices such as meditation, prayer, energy work (like Reiki), and other holistic methods to restore a sense of balance and well-being.

Because energy, caregiving, and healing are interconnected concepts, implementing a balanced approach is important. Regularly evaluate your work-life balance and adjust your strategies as needed to maintain your well-being. Remember, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care and seek help when needed to sustain long-term health and happiness. Join us through our Simple Suggestions and sign up for our Think Caregiver emails today! Email intake@hopegrows.org to get on the list.

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Protect Your Peace

Amy Oledzki on June 4, 2024

I was in the store the other day when all of a sudden, the sounds became prominent over everything else. Like a movie, I became absorbed into the scene where my sense of hearing was amplified. Carts were squeaking, people were talking, something fell to the ground and made a glass breaking sound, cell phones were ringing, and a child was crying. The child was not just crying, he or she was wailing. The more I listened, the more I couldn’t help but feel that this child was trying to tell someone something. It became clear that this child’s peace was interrupted. While this child needed to shout his or her concerns to the mountain top, this little one’s communication was by way of crying.

Just thinking about this month’s focus, “Protecting Your Peace,” my memory began scanning MY life. Thinking about the concept is both easy and difficult based on the mixed messages we receive constantly. What does it mean to “protect your peace?” I’m not sure; I think it is different for everyone. But what I do know, the child in the store was not peaceful.

Conceivably, protecting your peace begins with looking at what is negatively affecting your soul. With the example of the child in the store, it became apparent that this child was too young to know how to protect his/her peace; the duty depended solely on the shoulders of the parent.

When I got married at a young age of 19, my life took me to Arizona. While living there, my spouse worked on his education, while I became a mom. The one thing we did not expect before he graduated was bringing not just one child into the world during this time, but two. When I found out I was expecting, I was scared but full of joy. While we had no idea how we were going to afford a child, we chose to sacrifice our wants to make it happen. I made the cautious effort make sure this child and our family became my priority.

Was I setting a boundary to protect my peace? Absolutely. I deliberately chose to establish clear boundaries in my personal and professional life. I prioritized and made the conscious effort and dedication in making sure our child had the proper food, sleep, play and love; all things necessary for her developmental age. I guess, while I was defending my peace, I was modeling the behavior of a peaceful life and protecting her peace at the same time. I took the deliberate action to create a calm and balanced life.

I fast forward to today. Watching my children raise their children, the contrast of the two eras is stark. I think my job was much easier. I was able to help develop and protect my children’s moral development without the constant impact of technology. I think the damaging effects of technology and media has reached its tentacles into every waking moment of our lives; affecting our morals and values, which ultimately hurts our peace of mind.

Let me take a minute here to talk a bit about moral development. Learning about it while studying psychology was fascinating. Basically, the theory of moral development outlines how individuals evolve in their moral reasoning and ethical behavior throughout their lives. Kohlberg’s theory is articulated through “a progression of stages, starting from an emphasis on obedience to avoid punishment, advancing towards an understanding of social order, and culminating in the recognition of universal ethical principles and the value of human rights.” Basically, children get to a place of becoming a moral upstanding citizen morally because it is the correct and right thing to do, not because they fear punishment or get a reward for following the rules and laws.

I believe that a sound moral compass and peace work hand in hand. However, due to the constant damaging effects of media (both types, news and social), our values become provoked. While media provides valuable information, entertainment, and social connectivity, excessive or inappropriate media consumption can lead to damaging effects. The negative impacts are real and research is beginning to show the negative effects on adults, and especially children.

Adults can experience increased stress and anxiety, sleep disturbances, reduced attention span,
mental health issues, decreased productivity, distorted reality perceptions, and impacts on relationships. Children can experience impaired cognitive development, behavioral issues, poor academic performance, physical health problems, sleep disturbances, emotional impacts, shortened attention span and commercialization and materialism issues.

Holy crap, people – talk about a global pandemic! Turn off the technology and go outside into nature! It is our responsibility and obligation to model behavior for our youth, protect their peace, and emulate a good moral compass. We have an ethical responsibility while our children’s brains are developing to consider a balanced approach that includes:

  • Open Communication: Foster an environment where children feel comfortable discussing their online experiences.
  • Model Behavior: Demonstrate healthy social media habits for children to emulate. Consider no social media until adulthood.
  • Supervised Only Access: Allow supervised and limited access to social media, gradually increasing independence as children mature.
  • Educational Programs: Advocate for schools to include digital literacy and online safety in their curricula.

I digressed a bit here, but I truly believe that social media’s addictive nature and the potential benefits of restricting discussions for children under a certain age are important issues to consider. It is our responsibility to protect our young minds.

Peace of mind requires intentional actions and habits. Consider prioritizing mental and physical well-being, setting healthy boundaries, and engaging in activities that promote relaxation and joy. The result is a more balanced and fulfilling life. Taking these steps not only protects your peace, it sets a great road map for our young children. Just think about the positive impact this will have on your relationships with others as well, something our world desperately needs.

So, turn off technology, go outside, and explore the world in front of you. The inner peace you protect will contribute to your overall happiness and satisfaction.

Finding Meaning in Life

Amy Oledzki on May 3, 2024

I am an early riser. Most mornings, I awake before the sun and I sit and sip my coffee or tea and listen to the sounds of nature. Right now, the morning is filled with bird song and the exchange of different melodies. I learned that 90% of wildlife, including some of the Audubon population, mate for life; however, the majority of songbirds’ only mate for a season.

With this month’s focus, I ponder the meaning of life. It appears that the wildlife’s search for meaning only includes food, water, shelter, and safety; the daily efforts of survival. At least it looks that way from my window (except when you catch a baby fox that wondered into the trap destined for the destructive groundhog; a game of catch and release).

I digress for a moment and then joyful singing becomes the focus again. I always thought joyful music came from the birds until one day, when I heard different sounds – in particular, a robin. I was surprised at the change in the melody and then noticed a disruption of the nest and the loss of their eggs and young. Researching the possibilities of grief among wildlife, I learned that birds have legitimate cries of sadness.

Human loss and the sounds of sadness are profound as well. Grief, the normal and natural reaction to loss – any loss – is different for everyone. While mourning is the process that one goes through in adapting to the loss, bereavement is the period that defines the loss to which the person is trying to adapt.

Grief is experienced emotionally, cognitively, physically, spiritually, socially, economically, and behaviorally. While these experiences are not inclusive, it can affect every part of us. The deepest of these is spiritual. At least, that has been my experience, along with most of those I have provided support for. The loss of purpose and meaning in life can rock us to the very core of our existence.

At Hope Grows, we talk a lot about loss, and not just loss from death. Loss is painful. The first night of the graduate grief class I teach involves naming and listing everything that represents a loss. As students engage, the loss of a job, a relationship, a car, a passing grade, the ability to walk, and freedom, to name a few, begin to fill the chalkboard. Soon, an exchange regarding the loss from the death of someone is shared. Discussion evolves to the ability to pivot in difficult situations.

Last month, we shared an article about pivoting and if we focus on what matters most and align our actions with our values, a more meaningful and fulfilling life is the result. Does this really apply though, when struggling through loss? And then, what happens when someone loses their way? Finding and having meaning in life is imperative to good overall well-being, so we are told. It is also at the core of spiritual health.

I, for one, believe that society is in a period of mourning, one of chronic pain that sees no end. The news portrays a society that appears to be challenged from a loss of self, purpose, and identity; spirituality seems to be missing. As mental health needs rise, the cries of sadness seem to go unheard. Mental health needs are at record highs. Young teenagers are flocking to the ER hospitals for depression and anxiety, people are afraid for their safety, the older population struggle with moving from the home they loved, family caregivers are stressed with increased demands, and thirty somethings are struggling to find their way in the job market.

The chronic pain goes on and on, but then, just like in nature, the sounds of sadness can change. How do we help society change the sound of its cries? When one’s soul goes off-center, the antidote is compassion and kindness. Human spiritually evokes existential questions about suffering and meaning, and any validation can help nourish a tired and weary soul, providing a sense of comfort and connection.

I have been in chronic pain (loss) most of my life, physically and spiritually. I have a degenerative spine, arthritis and stenosis, Chronic Fatigue, Lyme’s disease, and several other chronic viruses that go in and out of remission. I’m not sure how long I have had these viruses, since most of adult life doctors always pushed the symptoms aside by calling them “acute” and that it was “all in my head.” It wasn’t until I found a wonderful Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine who became the compassionate and kind soul, validating my symptoms and applying the correct testing to locate the problems.

My apologies, I digress again, but my point is that I had empathy, understanding, and encouragement of practical support. I was then able to explore the deepness of the pain and implement self-care practices that worked. Keep in mind, whatever the loss, it requires a holistic approach that addresses the symptoms, the emotions, and the spiritual needs.

One way to support someone in pain, whether it be individual loss or the societal loss that I was referring, is community. We need to come together and spread kindness. Just like the child blowing the seeds of the spent dandelion into the wind, new growth can happen.

Other ways to help someone in chronic pain, whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual:

  • Empathy and understanding
  • Encouraging self-care practices
  • Providing practical support
  • Encouraging connection and support
  • Promoting spiritual exploration.

Check out our simple suggestions in this week’s “Think Caregiver” email for further tips on this topic.

In summary, helping someone with chronic pain involves addressing their physical symptoms, emotional well-being, and spiritual needs with empathy, compassion, and practical support. By attending to the person’s holistic needs, you can contribute to their healing journey and support their overall well-being, including – and most importantly – the health of their soul. Keep in mind, a dose of nature can be helpful too!

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

The Ability to Pivot

Amy Oledzki on April 3, 2024

The ability to pivot in tough situations is a hallmark of resilience and is worth focusing on this month as winter changes to spring. Blossoms are plenty this time of year as the trees, bushes, spring bulbs, and perennials begin to erupt with beauty. However, as the weather doesn’t know how to make up its mind from cold to warm, and then cold again, the ability to pivot becomes the nature of the game (no pun intended).

For me, pivoting from winter to spring is always difficult. While I love the new blossoms, I thrive in the winter with “internal regrouping,” as I call it. The snow and cold of winter contribute to my deep, inward thinking and reflection. However, with the past couple of winters not being very cold and snowy, I feel like I have not had the break my soul needs.

None the less, as I reflect about this topic of pivoting, my birth order comes to mind. Being the youngest of six children, I believe I had an inner strength that was different than those around me. Was it my place in birth order, being one of 46 first cousins or having nieces that were closer in age to me than their parents, who were my siblings? Or did it have something to do with the fact that I was being raised by the village, not just my parents? Not sure of the reason, but my ability to pivot I believe is deeply connected to my inner spirit. The ability to draw upon my inner strength creates a resiliency that helps to adjust my mindset to manage effectively and put in place coping skills. 

Throughout evolution, organisms have developed various adaptation mechanisms to survive in changing environments. These mechanisms include physiological, behavioral, and psychological traits that allow organisms to adjust to new conditions. Humans, as a part of these organisms, inherit this adaptability, which contributes to their ability to pivot in tough situations.

The ability to pivot refers to the capacity to bounce back from adversity, challenges, or difficult circumstances, and what a better essential oil choice this month than the arborvitae. The majestic and strengthening properties of this tree are not only grounding, the tree often lives for over 800 years – Arborvitae means “Tree of Life”. The emotional properties of this essential oil mean Divine Grace. Engaging with this oil can help with relaxation, breathing deeply and trusting in the flow of life. Perhaps I should use this oil as I transition during this time of year.  

All and all though, it takes resilience to be able to pivot. While the arborvitae is resilient, humans have to implement strategies. One strategy is to remember and recognize the times where you have successfully pivoted in tough situations. When we remember success, we can then continue to promote resilience as a valuable skill that can be cultivated and strengthened over time.

Staying strong, holistically, is important too. I will admit though, the older I get, the harder it is to stay strong. Some days it feels like it takes twice the effort to do certain things and my resilience and ability to pivot is affected. I reflect at what is going on in my life; an overloaded schedule, not cultivating the earth, and not taking enough time to “stop and smell the roses.”

Whatever the reason, cultivating resilience, adopting a positive mindset, embracing adaptability, nurturing emotional well-being, and finding meaning and purpose can all contribute positively. Out of all the suggestions, I believe that finding meaning and purpose is at the top of the list for being able to continue to pivot. A purpose has to be in place so that you want to get out of bed in the morning, and a strong spirit can help with that.

I would be careless if I didn’t comment on the plant choice for the month: the bleeding heart. This resilient early spring-rising plant is full of resilience and strength. Its symbolism can help when we are being too sensitive or we emotionally react to the world around us. Its unique beauty can help draw upon our values and beliefs to navigate the challenges one may be facing.

All and all, focus on what matters most and align your actions with your values. You can then pivot towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life, even in the presence of adversity. A good take away is that nature can serve as a source of inspiration, wisdom, and resilience. I have often said, “nature doesn’t ask of anything from me, it is one place that I am able to let go of control.” And when you let go of control, nature will guide you to observe and learn, and to develop the adaptive skills necessary to navigate challenges and thrive in an ever-changing environment.

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director