Tenacity

Amy Oledzki on January 8, 2025

January’s focus is about tenacity, with Clematis as our flower pick and Laurel Leaf as the essential oil. Tenacity, by definition, is persistence, with some synonyms including courage, mettle, resolution, and spirit. I believe that spirit and tenacity largely overlap, with spirit suggesting a quality of temperament enabling one to hold one’s own or keep up morale when opposition is threatened.

Wow, that is a mouthful! But it brings me to a time shortly after the death of my dad. I found myself in therapy for the heaviness of grief and, in sharing my narrative and struggles, the therapist asked if I had always been this tenacious. I had to laugh as I pondered the question. I never considered myself to be stubborn, as one of the synonyms suggests. I may be adamant at times, a true natural inheritance of DNA, and definitely strong willed, but never stubborn.

I’m comfortable sharing as I believe to fit the description of a determined spirit that does not give up easily. This has served me well in my life; even as a child, it brought me closely connected to nature and most comfortable in the forest. As John Muir put it best, “Into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” In the woods or forest, I am at peace, a soulful energy comes alive and, as some have described me, a force with which to be reckoned.

Enough about my connections to self and nature – let’s consider how YOU can connect to help with your tenacious spiritual side. One way would be to consider our essential oil pick for the month, Laurel Leaf. Its healing properties are antibacterial and antiviral, and its top uses are for viruses, cold and flu, congestion, cough, and pneumonia. If used for emotional balance, it can help one go from self-sabotage to a victorious feeling. A great spiritual energy as well, it connects us to our soul and has long been associated with purging and clearing. Is not winter a time for being inside? Not just inside our brick-and-mortar protection from the cold and wind, but to go inward to the depths of our soul and ponder over what to purge, clean out or clear, and make room?

Another way to bring more tenacity into your life is the Clematis plant. It symbolizes tenacity and adaptability, rooted in its growth patterns and characteristics. This vine-like plant is known for its ability to climb and thrive in diverse conditions, reaching for light and support with determination. Its delicate-looking flowers contradict the strength and persistence required to flourish in often challenging environments. By incorporating its imagery into your life, you might be inspired to persist through difficulties with elegance. Its essence is a reminder that tenacity often lies in the quiet, consistent pursuit of growth and light.

Regardless of how you decide to bring more tenacity into your month, consider the following.

  • Embrace the stillness that winter’s quiet offers and let it mirror the inner quiet needed for spiritual growth.
  • Learn from nature’s resilience and the lesson of endurance and renewal from the evergreens, snowdrops, and the cycle of dormancy.
  • Open to the stark beauty of winter. It creates a spiritual awareness of the sacredness of the frost patterns and the interplay of light and shadow.
  • Look inward and discover our own light during the long nights. We are called to reflect as it aligns us with self-awareness, inner strength and the divine spark within ourselves.

Spending time in winter landscapes brings us fully into the present moment. There is a mindful moment of breathing in the cold crisp air, walking in the snow, or even laying down and making a snow angel. No worries though, if you cannot go outside. Open your window and let some cold air come in, and then watch the birds, the flurry of the snow, or notice how the snow sits on the branch. The benefit is the same.

So, if you can, put on a coat/gloves/hat/boots and engage with nature! We not only will cultivate tenacity, but also nourish our souls. It is in this interplay between the external and the internal, the physical and the spiritual, that we discover the profound connections that ground us and uplift us through every season of life.

Flourish: Our Theme for 2025

Amy Oledzki on January 8, 2025

Happy New Year! Hope Grows spent some time over the holiday season recharging and enjoying time with family. “Taking a Break” has been something that Hope Grows has incorporated into their work model since the founding. Practicing what we teach not only has helped us to continue to deliver our Model of Care at the top of our game, it helps us help caregivers flourish.

During this break, not only was connecting with family important, but connecting with nature was, too. As this time of the year marks the beginning of the changing season, I prefer to embrace it with excitement, not dread. Yes, winter is, for some, a time of trepidation. The freezing temps, snow and ice, and the darkness lend itself for an emotional storm. However, if we think about the positive of what winter can bring, our souls can flourish. John Muir so brilliantly put it, “Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.” Well, I wasn’t expecting anyone to climb a mountain over the break (I sure didn’t), but his message continues to say that if you get good tidings from the mountains, “nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.” Then, “The winds will blow their freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”

Perhaps if we look at winter as an increase in energy, we can begin to flourish. I believe that his message is about taking time, especially during the depths of winter, to allow the tenacity of nature and perhaps, winter, to help us flourish. To flourish is a beautiful and profoundly tenacious concept for reflection. To flourish in the darkness of winter, whether it’s the literal season or a symbolic period of challenge, requires resilience, adaptability, and inner strength. Embracing the cold, with a bit of steadfastness, can remind us that even in the most barren times, growth is possible, and life continues to find its way.

As the seasons of the year cycle through this year, consider the thought that flourishing can become a testament to our capacity for renewal and transformation. The goal is to not just find beauty and purpose in the coldest moments, but throughout the year as well.

To flourish spiritually means nurturing the seeds of hope, love, and faith within, even in times of stillness or challenge. It encourages us to trust the process, to be present with what is, and to cultivate gratitude for the subtle growth that often goes unseen. Reflect and consider how you would like to embody this flourishing spirit as you journey through winter and each new season in 2025.

Happiest in Nature!

Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Founder & Clinical Director

Gifts of the Winter Solstice

Amy Oledzki on December 17, 2024

I am out of the gardens for the season. The plants are all tucked in for the winter, the horticultural off-season is here, and I am ready to start my “wintering.” What better way to begin than by celebrating the solstice. This Saturday, December 21, at 4:20am, the earth will come about once again and the light will start reclaiming its power. For those of us in the northern hemisphere who have been plunged into darkness, it’s a time to rejoice, celebrate the return of the sun and, ultimately, the victory of life over death.

From ages past right up until today, people all over the earth have indulged in a myriad of ways to welcome the returning light, including burning Yule logs to celebrate the 12-day Yuletide Festival, staying up all night at the ancient Persian festival of Yalda in Iran, feasting at the Dongzhi Festival in China, stringing lanterns at the Winter Solstice Lantern Festival in Vancouver, and welcoming the sun back to its summer path at the Hopi Indian Soyal Solstice Ceremony. In fact, many of the pagan solstice celebration traditions of yore, like decorating with the symbolic holly, ivy, mistletoe, and evergreen boughs, have found their way into our modern-day Christmas celebrations.

So, as we prepare to herald the sun’s rebirth, what are the gifts this winter solstice might allow us? Solitude, for one. Take it from me, time alone is hard to come by once the growing season starts. Take advantage of the silence and quietude outside. Rest, relax, and recharge a little. The land does not require your labor right now, so follow suit. Patience, I would say, is another. Mother Nature is NOT big on instant gratification. Being that the seasons are governed by the gravitational pull between the earth and sun – which is completely out of our hands – we are forced to sit out trying to control the elements and wait for spring to arrive in its own due time. Trust me, if there was any way to get less winter, my Southern mother would’ve figured it out long ago.

Mother Nature is, however, big on transformation, which, I contend, is one of the more profound gifts of the dark. What better time than now to go within? Yes, darkness can provoke fear, anxiety, sadness, the usual suspects. But, it’s also in the gentle dark that the sparks of new beginnings ignite. Even in the barren winter, the garden is still at work. After a long winter’s nap, our perennials often return bigger and stronger than they were the previous year.

Some keys to transformation, in fact, are found only in the dark. It’s here we learn to trust. And trust, especially in something bigger than ourselves, can be wholly transformative. Hope, especially the kind found in moments of darkness, also falls into that category. Think on this: the earth’s landscape goes through such dramatic transformations every year, and yet the light we depend completely upon to sustain life is celestially programmed to return, every year, no matter how long the night (and the arctic circle endures a whopping 24 hours of darkness!).

This winter, let the natural rhythms of the earth give you strength. Sometimes, that’s as easy as taking a walk outside, resting and retreating a little more, or looking up on a clear night and enjoying the winter constellations, like Orion and Taurus. Surrender to the season’s dark hours, but know the light gains a little more ground each day and stay anchored in that. As we collectively experience the rebirth of the sun, allow yourself to enjoy at least some of the blessings of the solstice and who knows, you may just find some freedom in the dark.

Written by Jessica Giannotta
Hope Grows Horticulturist

Closing Current Doors to Open New Ones

Amy Oledzki on December 2, 2024

If you follow my blog posts and the story of Hope Grows, you may remember the spiritual and divine part of the beginning of the mission. I was always a person that when a door closed in front of me, (not literally, but figuratively), I would stand behind what occurred and wonder what I did wrong, what could I have done differently, or what do I need to improve in myself to have made the opportunity work. Basically, I was hard on myself.

As the story goes: after my dad’s death, he appeared in a dream to me, and upon wakening, the first thing I said was, “Hope Grows.” I then would talk to his spirit and ask for guidance in making sense of his visit. Soon after, the idea of supporting family caregivers and grief and loss was born, and I began building the mission/vision of Hope Grows. During that time, the one thing I changed about myself was not deliberating over a “door being closed.” When an opportunity became unsuccessful, I asked, “Dad, show me the open window.” Sure enough, something would present itself without much effort behind it.

Closing current doors to open new doors (or, in my case, new windows), speaks to the often-challenging decisions we make when we choose to leave behind familiar situations, routines, or relationships to allow room for new possibilities. It’s a process that involves understanding what no longer serves you, or what may be holding you back, to make space for what could propel you forward.

As we wind down the year of 2024 and consider any New Year’s resolutions, lets talk a bit more about wrapping up the year with the message of letting go; it can be both daunting and deeply freeing. Charging forth into the new year with a fresh perspective requires a bit of intention.

An end-of-year reflection can help us release missed opportunities and unmet expectations. This is essential in freeing us from holding on to something that isn’t working. In looking back at my visitation (dream) from my dad, the spiritual awakening that had occurred brought courage to let go of what wasn’t working. In this case, the pain of losing him, the loss of identity I was feeling, and the need to create something bigger than myself; this had many highs and lows. No doubt, my experience was divine, as there is more to the story, but I found the strength to let go of my attachment to how things “should” have been and I reclaimed an energy and a focus, built from the love for my dad, his love for nature, and my mother’s love for plants and flowers.

I’m not sure that I was acknowledging any missed opportunities or unmet expectations in my life, other than a need to heal from my loss, to move away from how I was viewing me, and just begin to engage in life differently. Retreating to nature to find that peace was what I did and believe me when I say, I met a lot of resistance and faced a lonely path at first. For starters, my family and spouse were not on board at first and, in hindsight, I believe they were acting on their own emotions of fear of losing a mom and wife to something they didn’t understand. I was the matriarch, always making sure their needs were met, and I suppose there was a twinge of egocentricity from them from my new found directive in life.

The more “doors that seemed to be closing” on starting a nonprofit, and designing and implementing the existing healing gardens on the property, the more I felt power, determination, and a reclaiming of vigor and motivation. I trusted in myself more than I ever had in my life, which bolstered my ambition. The motivation was stemmed from envisioning the new path and what I had hope to achieve. To this day, I am still hoping the big vision of this unfolds, with many more Iris Respite Houses & Healing Gardens throughout the country, and achieve the nation-wide support this mission deserves.

As the new year carries a sense of promise for a new door opening, remember that we are all continually evolving. I continue to embrace the concept of when the “door” closes, I ask Dad for the “open window.” So, I invite you to let go of what isn’t serving you and look for the possibilities of who you can become in this life of yours. Embrace the renewal, or the opening of a new door as a gift.

One last thought with nature as a focus: if you need a bit of help, think about the Siberian Fir and the Blue Spruce. They carry wonderful symbolic messages of closing one chapter and opening another. These trees grow in rugged environments, enduring harsh conditions and changes, yet they remain resilient, tall, and majestic. Here are a few ways these trees can inspire the journey of closing a current door and opening a new one:

  • Strength & Resilience – like the trees, you also have the strength to endure changes and face uncertainty.
  • Rootedness – these trees are deeply rooted and you, too, can be deeply rooted in a new possibility. Focusing on your values and skills that ground you, even as the winds shift when facing changes.
  • Evergreen Nature – the fir and spruce are evergreens, symbolizing renewal and the ability to stay vibrant through all seasons. Draw inspiration from this in knowing that letting go is not an end but an evolution of your journey.
  • Adaptability & Growth – as mentioned, both trees thrive in challenging climates, demonstrating the beauty of adapting. It is imperative to trust in your ability to adapt and find beauty in the growth.

Above all, don’t forget that using imagery in this way can help you find the potential possibilities in the transition of closing the door and opening a new one.

Letting go our attachment to how things “should” have been can feel a bit like defeat, but trust me when I say it is a powerful way to reclaim energy and focus.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! See you in 2025!

Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Founder & Clinical Director

Be Present | Being an Opportunist

Amy Oledzki on November 4, 2024

If only we could be in the moment or be present all the time; better yet, take advantage of opportunities that we are given. I don’t know how many times (most likely quite a few) I’ve missed seizing the moment – I’m sure, at the time, all for good reason. I can remember NOT heeding the moment to exercise, answering a friend’s call, ending my work day on time, taking “just 10 minutes” to meditate, breathe or just relax, or, my favorite, go outside in nature for a walk.

It is completely valid to feel frustrated when we don’t seize the moment. We mentally surrender to a place of allowing ourselves to feel badly about it. Then a cyclical pattern of self-loathing occurs, stifling another chance to engage in some other opportunity. GEEZ! What the heck!

Why do we let this happen? Why can’t we just accept that it is “okay” that we missed an opportunity and move on? I think some days it’s easier than others, but when it is difficult, what can we do?

ACCEPTANCE is one way. When we accept, we can appreciate the moment or take advantage of the mindful opportunities presented to us daily. In doing this, it creates a state of awareness that helps us recognize opportunities as they arise. As an example: being present in a conversation might help us notice a potential collaboration or a new idea, thus having the two sides of the conversation complement each other when balanced effectively.

It’s too bad our politicians can’t seem to do this. What a great way to take advantage of bipartisan work: finding common ground through collaborative communication and compromise, for the people. Sorry to bring politics into this, but we are approaching election day and I know that it is weighing on everyone’s mind.

I still ponder the reason acceptance is difficult. Maybe it is because of the confusable similar pronunciation of the word of except, which actually means to exclude. Nonetheless, acceptance is needed to take advantage of opportunities, such as choosing to express appreciation for the people in your life. Another example is being an opportunist on thankfulness with those you cross paths with as you shop, pray, and interact within your community. Another one is taking advantage of the few sunny, warm days we have left this fall season.

While these few things may seem easy in seizing the day, there are harder ones to consider. The election outcome may be a bit harder, as one side of the aisle is going to have to get to a place of acceptance. There are other ones that are bit more difficult and strenuous, such as losing someone to death. Loss of a loved one is at the top of the most painful and emotionally charged events. Acceptance is key.

Accepting the reality of someone’s death is difficult? All for good reason! DENIAL. It creeps in and grows like a bad weed. Denial is a defense mechanism. We often hear the words, “I just can’t believe he/she died.” Denial is there to protect our mental and emotional self from pain. While protecting ourselves might appear a good thing (after all, no one wants to feel pain), it ends up prolonging the deep pain of our loss.

Applying acceptance from a more fundamental approach may be what is needed. This approach is Radical Acceptance. It can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are out of our control without judgment. Seriously? What is the benefit in doing this? Well, our pain and suffering can be reduced. If we can accept the reality of the situation and not ruminate over the emotional reaction to it, we can begin to look at seizing other opportunities much quicker.

The opportunity of radically accepting the death of a loved one helps us to evolve in life and find joy in the small things again. This is hard, I know, but keep in mind that by not judging the situation does not mean that we are approving of it.

The emotional reaction to my dad’s death was intense and painful, and I didn’t approve of losing him. I just didn’t dwell on the emotion of it for long periods of time. I’ll be the first to admit that with grief came a lot of evaluating of my life and the processing of the pain was emotional and necessary to get to the healing. Also, just because there was deep pain didn’t mean that I didn’t accept. It would be like walking through rain and not expecting to get wet. You have to accept that you are going to get wet and then go through it to get to a place of feeling protected. In those moments of getting wet, I elected to focus on accepting his loss and while I cried – and yes, at times, sobbed – I still took advantage of opportunities that filled my soul with joy.

Sometimes radical acceptance of our loved one’s death is needed. This helps with evolving and living again, reducing our sadness and finding new purpose and meaning. Sounds like a tall order, but it is a part of taking advantage of the opportunity for healing, regardless of how painful it is. If grief continues for an unusually long period of time, there may be other factors that are causing grief to be prolonged. It may be time to seek a grief therapist. Consider us for your journey of grief and loss through our Root of Good Care Counseling practice, a counseling program under the mission of Hope Grows.

I’ll leave you with one last thought: Gratitude and Giving of Self! Without it, our brains struggle when painful grief sets in. Consider volunteer work while you are mourning a loss. It is a direct shot of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, the neurons that helps us feel better, “the good feelings.” Our brains were designed, by a natural path, that rewards us with good feelings when we do what it takes to promote the survival of our genes. When we do this, we tend to repeat acts of altruistic giving of self because of the hits of healthy neurons our brains receive.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Carpe Diem!

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Finding Your “Why”

Amy Oledzki on October 1, 2024

The arrival of autumn brings a powerful metaphor for change, reflection, and letting go. I feel like this seasonal transition is one of the most talked about and I ponder and wonder the reason, other than nature serves as a mirror for our inner journey, helping us refine ourselves and find the “why” in life.

One of the most “why” provoking life events is any pain and suffering, such as violence, abuse, and loss. Violence is just senseless, abuse is merely unacceptable, and losing someone is heartbreaking. None the less, they all provoke the proverbial “why” question.

While finding our “why” can be challenging in most circumstances, I believe the pain and suffering from violence, abuse, and loss deserve a different emotional response than the written words in this blog. For the sake of this communication, my focus here is caregiving, and the pain and suffering caregivers witness on a daily basis can often make life feel disorienting and overwhelming.

Being there for someone in the most vulnerable time of their life is an ebb and flow, where we are consistently evaluating our space and time to be at the top of our game, so to speak. The transition of seasons can guide us in many ways and by considering the reciprocal relationship between self and nature, we can help with the “why” that surfaces.

If you are a regular reader of these blogs, you will know that I have talked about this type of reciprocity before. Use this blog in a way to find guidance in connecting to the deeper “why” amidst the difficult emotions providing care evokes. Consider the thought-provoking words below and the suggested reflection.

When we witness suffering as part of a natural cycle in nature, there is constant death and rebirth, decay and renewal. While suffering is difficult to witness, understanding it as part of the broader life cycle can help reframe its meaning. Just as storms pass and seasons change, suffering too, while painful, has a place. Witnessing pain does not negate the moments of love, peace, and healing that occurs, it becomes a greater rhythm beyond the immediate hardship.

Reflection: Ask yourself how you can see the suffering you witness as part of a larger cycle. Can you find peace in the knowledge that, like nature, all things are impermanent, and your presence is helping someone through a critical part of their journey?

Even nature endures challenging moments, with its small, subtle growth. Albeit slow, but yet, almost an imperceptible growth. Similarly, caregiving often involves small victories that can easily go unnoticed in the midst of pain—moments of comfort, moments where dignity is preserved, or where human connection transcends suffering. Finding your “why” in caregiving may lie in recognizing these subtle, yet meaningful impacts.

Reflection: At the end of each day, reflect on one small moment where you helped or witnessed something good. It could be as simple as offering a kind word, seeing a patient’s smile, or easing someone’s burden, even if briefly. These moments can help you reconnect to the purpose behind your care.

Nature is always fully present, adapting to each moment as it comes. Caregiving too demands presence, a mindfulness that allows you to be fully engaged in each task, each interaction. When the pain and suffering seem overwhelming, being present in the now—without trying to control or fix everything—can help ease the emotional weight. In this way, the act of caregiving itself can become a meditation, an opportunity to focus on the here and now.

Reflection: Ground yourself when you feel overwhelmed by taking deep breaths, and focus on the moment at hand rather than projecting into the future or dwelling on the past. Let nature remind you that your “why” is found not in grand gestures but in the quiet, moment-to-moment presence you offer.

A gardener doesn’t control the seasons or stop the cycle of life, but creates conditions for growth despite the inevitable changes. As a caregiver, your role is not to prevent suffering but to cultivate moments of relief, comfort, and peace wherever possible.

Reflection: See yourself as a steward of well-being. Even in the face of pain, you are creating space for hope, dignity, and connection. This understanding can be your “why”—that your care, even amidst suffering, brings essential elements of humanity to those who need it most.

There is a reciprocity of care in nature, a give and take if you will. Caregiving is also reciprocal. You offer physical, emotional, and spiritual support and, in turn, caregiving offers you opportunities to grow in empathy, patience, and resilience. The service you provide often unlocks a deeper sense of purpose. Your “why” may emerge in recognizing that the act of caregiving, no matter how painful, is also part of your own personal growth and evolution.

Reflection: Consider how the experience of caregiving is shaping you. How is this deepening your sense of compassion? What lessons are you learning about the fragility and beauty of life, about your own capacity for love and strength?

In nature, nothing exists in isolation—everything is interconnected. Similarly, caregiving can often feel isolating, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. Leaning into community support (other caregivers, friends, family, spiritual groups, or Hope Grows) can remind you that your “why” is connected to something larger. Even the strongest tree thrives in a forest, not in solitude.

Reflection: Find a way to connect with other caregivers or people who understand your challenges. Sharing your experiences can help you process difficult emotions and find meaning in the shared human experience of caregiving.

In nature, harsh conditions often create resilience and beauty—think of how trees with deep roots survive storms or how flowers bloom after fire. Similarly, the suffering you witness can deepen your sense of compassion, empathy, and patience. Caregiving, when seen through the lens of this reciprocal relationship, becomes not just about providing care, but about allowing that care to transform you as well.

Reflection: Consider how the suffering you witness has softened or expanded your heart. Your “why” may not always be found in what you can do to relieve suffering, but in how your heart responds to it with kindness, understanding, and love.

One final thought worth considering: while caregiving during times of suffering may feel unbearable, considering the above nature suggestions with the reflection, a deeper purpose just might emerge. Everything is interconnected, temporary, and part of a larger whole in nature. Your “why” in caregiving may not be about fixing or stopping the suffering, but about showing up with presence, love, and resilience amidst the pain.

Let your care be a reflection of the cycles of nature, EVER-Giving-Growing-Evolving, even through the darkest of seasons. And remember, if the hike gets rough, Hope Grows is here to support your seasons of change.

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director