Be Present | Being an Opportunist

Amy Oledzki on November 4, 2024

If only we could be in the moment or be present all the time; better yet, take advantage of opportunities that we are given. I don’t know how many times (most likely quite a few) I’ve missed seizing the moment – I’m sure, at the time, all for good reason. I can remember NOT heeding the moment to exercise, answering a friend’s call, ending my work day on time, taking “just 10 minutes” to meditate, breathe or just relax, or, my favorite, go outside in nature for a walk.

It is completely valid to feel frustrated when we don’t seize the moment. We mentally surrender to a place of allowing ourselves to feel badly about it. Then a cyclical pattern of self-loathing occurs, stifling another chance to engage in some other opportunity. GEEZ! What the heck!

Why do we let this happen? Why can’t we just accept that it is “okay” that we missed an opportunity and move on? I think some days it’s easier than others, but when it is difficult, what can we do?

ACCEPTANCE is one way. When we accept, we can appreciate the moment or take advantage of the mindful opportunities presented to us daily. In doing this, it creates a state of awareness that helps us recognize opportunities as they arise. As an example: being present in a conversation might help us notice a potential collaboration or a new idea, thus having the two sides of the conversation complement each other when balanced effectively.

It’s too bad our politicians can’t seem to do this. What a great way to take advantage of bipartisan work: finding common ground through collaborative communication and compromise, for the people. Sorry to bring politics into this, but we are approaching election day and I know that it is weighing on everyone’s mind.

I still ponder the reason acceptance is difficult. Maybe it is because of the confusable similar pronunciation of the word of except, which actually means to exclude. Nonetheless, acceptance is needed to take advantage of opportunities, such as choosing to express appreciation for the people in your life. Another example is being an opportunist on thankfulness with those you cross paths with as you shop, pray, and interact within your community. Another one is taking advantage of the few sunny, warm days we have left this fall season.

While these few things may seem easy in seizing the day, there are harder ones to consider. The election outcome may be a bit harder, as one side of the aisle is going to have to get to a place of acceptance. There are other ones that are bit more difficult and strenuous, such as losing someone to death. Loss of a loved one is at the top of the most painful and emotionally charged events. Acceptance is key.

Accepting the reality of someone’s death is difficult? All for good reason! DENIAL. It creeps in and grows like a bad weed. Denial is a defense mechanism. We often hear the words, “I just can’t believe he/she died.” Denial is there to protect our mental and emotional self from pain. While protecting ourselves might appear a good thing (after all, no one wants to feel pain), it ends up prolonging the deep pain of our loss.

Applying acceptance from a more fundamental approach may be what is needed. This approach is Radical Acceptance. It can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are out of our control without judgment. Seriously? What is the benefit in doing this? Well, our pain and suffering can be reduced. If we can accept the reality of the situation and not ruminate over the emotional reaction to it, we can begin to look at seizing other opportunities much quicker.

The opportunity of radically accepting the death of a loved one helps us to evolve in life and find joy in the small things again. This is hard, I know, but keep in mind that by not judging the situation does not mean that we are approving of it.

The emotional reaction to my dad’s death was intense and painful, and I didn’t approve of losing him. I just didn’t dwell on the emotion of it for long periods of time. I’ll be the first to admit that with grief came a lot of evaluating of my life and the processing of the pain was emotional and necessary to get to the healing. Also, just because there was deep pain didn’t mean that I didn’t accept. It would be like walking through rain and not expecting to get wet. You have to accept that you are going to get wet and then go through it to get to a place of feeling protected. In those moments of getting wet, I elected to focus on accepting his loss and while I cried – and yes, at times, sobbed – I still took advantage of opportunities that filled my soul with joy.

Sometimes radical acceptance of our loved one’s death is needed. This helps with evolving and living again, reducing our sadness and finding new purpose and meaning. Sounds like a tall order, but it is a part of taking advantage of the opportunity for healing, regardless of how painful it is. If grief continues for an unusually long period of time, there may be other factors that are causing grief to be prolonged. It may be time to seek a grief therapist. Consider us for your journey of grief and loss through our Root of Good Care Counseling practice, a counseling program under the mission of Hope Grows.

I’ll leave you with one last thought: Gratitude and Giving of Self! Without it, our brains struggle when painful grief sets in. Consider volunteer work while you are mourning a loss. It is a direct shot of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, the neurons that helps us feel better, “the good feelings.” Our brains were designed, by a natural path, that rewards us with good feelings when we do what it takes to promote the survival of our genes. When we do this, we tend to repeat acts of altruistic giving of self because of the hits of healthy neurons our brains receive.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Carpe Diem!

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Energy

Amy Oledzki on July 2, 2024

I spent a bit of mindful energy this morning looking around at the beauty of the gardens here at the Iris Respite House & Healing Gardens. Some rain storms have left us with fuel for growth; the flowers everywhere are bursting with fullness and color. It is as if the flowers got a shot of caffeine overnight; there is a liveliness, a get up and go, an energy.

Energy is an interesting word. We can have all sorts of it and moments of none, so it seems. The word itself projects an oomph to it and when you pay attention to its use, it is everywhere. Statements abound: youthful energy, stagnant energy, quantitative energy, comparative energy, and departments of energy, to name a few. I hear people say, “I have no energy,” “I need an energy drink,” “I have positive energy,” or “He/She has negative energy.” Famous people and scholars tell us that energy of the mind is the essence of life, there is energy in motion, energy flows where attention goes, and energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.

Warren Buffett was quoted saying that “Without passion, you don’t have energy. Without energy, you have nothing.” I suppose that is true, because it takes passion on some days to get out of bed, to brush your teeth, and to eat breakfast. Does passion need to exist to move forward with activities of daily living? I don’t think so – some of those are habitual things we do. However, if we have lost passion in life or are burned out, I know firsthand, it is hard to keep moving forward.

So many questions surface. Most of us have to engage in some type of caffeinated drink to fuel ourselves in the morning. But what about those that exert too much energy all the time? Can it deplete the desire to stay motivated? Can passion move quickly away and cause someone to become stagnant. Can pain and suffering discourage a person to the point of NO energy?

If you look at the opposite meaning of the word, that meaning depends on how you are using it. The English language is complicated, and if you are referring to the energy as a generated power, simplified, the opposite is a lack of. From a person’s spirit and vigor, the opposite could be apathy, depression, and/or spiritual distress. I think of caregivers when I think of the person’s spirit in relation to energy. Caregivers put forth so much energy all of the time in providing care to their loved one, but yet, they keep moving, they keep pushing through, sometimes to the point of complete burnout.

So, what is the antidote? Just like a power grid, a car, or the flowers in the garden, restoration is needed. Dealing with life overload and the stress of long work hours without breaks can indeed lead to burnout and a decline in spiritual, mental, and physical health. Finding ways to manage stress and maintain sanity is crucial. Energy, caregiving, and healing are interconnected concepts that revolve around the well-being of individuals. In the context of well-being, energy can refer to both physical vitality and the more abstract notion of life force or spiritual energy.

The notion of Spiritual Energy is what I think Warren Buffett is referring to in his quote above. Passion, purpose, and meaning are often described as what is needed to have spiritual energy. It is the “chi,” “prana,” or “life force” that keeps the flow of energy through and around the body, impacting overall wellness.

If your life force energy is depleted, or you are just exhausted and need to restore, several strategies can help you escape from the relentless cycle and regain balance. Healing encompasses the processes through which a person recovers from illness, injury, or emotional distress. It can be approached from various angles:

Medical Healing: Involves conventional medical treatments and therapies to address physical health issues.

Emotional Healing: Focuses on recovering from emotional trauma, stress, and mental health challenges.

Spiritual Healing: Utilizes practices such as meditation, prayer, energy work (like Reiki), and other holistic methods to restore a sense of balance and well-being.

Because energy, caregiving, and healing are interconnected concepts, implementing a balanced approach is important. Regularly evaluate your work-life balance and adjust your strategies as needed to maintain your well-being. Remember, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care and seek help when needed to sustain long-term health and happiness. Join us through our Simple Suggestions and sign up for our Think Caregiver emails today! Email intake@hopegrows.org to get on the list.

Written by Lisa Story, MSCP, LPC, CT
Hope Grows Founder & Clinical Director

Notes from the Garden: The Tree of Life

Amy Oledzki on December 19, 2023

December Plant of the Month: Tree of Life

doTERRA Essential Oil of the Month: Clary Sage

If we surrendered to the earth’s intelligence, we could rise up rooted, like trees. – Rainer Maria Rilke

The Tree of Life has been a sacred symbol, revered across cultures and religions, for thousands of years. Almost every major civilization and faith over the ages has had some level of sacred regard for the trees. 

While researching this blog, I found Tree of Life symbolism throughout Egyptian, Celtic, Mayan, Native American, Buddhist, Hindu, African, Greek and Roman mythology, and folklore. In the Bible, the Tree of Life is planted centrally in the Garden of Eden, near the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. In fact, the Hebrew phrase etz hachayim, meaning “Tree of Life,” has been used to refer directly to the Torah, Jewish sacred scripture. Proverbs 3:18 likens it to wisdom, saying one can derive happiness from holding onto her. 

The Tree of Life symbolizes healing, power, strength, and the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. Her roots extend downward, spreading their tendrils beneath the ground, and her branches reach up, interwoven, into the heavens. She occupies two worlds, symbolizing the harmonious connection between the divine and earthly realms. She is often encased in a surrounding circle, symbolizing the oneness and unity of all life. 

One of my personal favorite renderings is the Celtic Tree of Life. The Celts considered trees to be sacred repositories of memory, folklore, and the presence of spirit beings. Their Tree of Life symbol has its roots and branches intertwining and knotted together infinitely, with no beginning or end, symbolizing all of us inextricably connected within the Tree of Life’s protective stature. 

Wisdom is in the trees. Acting as both givers and sustainers of life, trees provide us with gifts of nurturance. From cradle to grave, we rely on them for our very breath, shelter, shade, medicine, music, healing, fire, and food. Whenever I have faced periods of struggle, or illness, I find solace among the trees. During a particularly difficult time years ago, it was the trees who taught me how powerful and restorative it can be to connect with nature. Walking among them day after day, their magnificent and healing spirits tended to me, making me feel safe, restoring my spirit, lifting me up to higher ground. It was within their loving embrace that I first felt the invisible connective tissue of the web of life all around me, cradling and connecting me to an intelligence far greater than mine. I was no longer a party of one; they connected me back to the infinite whole. They are my trees of life. I didn’t leave Pittsburgh much during that time, but looking back, I can see now I was on one of the most definitive journeys of my life. 

Journeys of adversity, healing, and wholeness ripen us, and often shake us to our core. They strip away what isn’t real and leave us clinging to what is. They make us human, and the most profound ones will reveal our humbling connection to all that is. I have been a care recipient, and I have a feeling I will be a caregiver before my life is over. What the trees have taught me is that even though these two souls walk hand in hand, experiencing two very different journeys, both are being held in the sacred boughs of a larger whole, to which they will forever belong. 

Written by Jessica Giannotta, Hope Grows Horticulturist

Tree of Life drawing by Emma Stair